Archive for June, 2005

update on china

the country you say? and that they’re buying an american oil company? oh pishaw, of course not! we’re talking china PATTERNS here.
so update!
yes my pattern is discontinued.
yes this is annoying.
what is MORE annoying is that it’s been discontinued since december ’04. which means it was discontinued MONTHS before i decided to register for it, and the macy’s people didn’t tell me. and so now i have a headache.

over the LONG drawn out, detailed conversations i’ve had about the “china debacle” with my mom, this is my favorite statement out of it:

me: well mom, (sarcastically) there are worse things in life that not getting the china you want, har har.

mom: i guess….[dramatic sad pause] but this is your wedding china, this is meant to be so special, it is a big deal.

unspoken: i’m sorry, mom, i’m pretty darn sure there are much worse things in life than not getting the exact china you want. hmmm like a certain someone going into the hospital for six weeks a scant few months before his own wedding! but, yes, have china pattern issues is more troubling!

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i fucking hate fucking macy’s and their horrifically poor fucking excuse for a fucking registry.
i have had nothing but trouble with them. every single person, i swear, who has gotten something from macy’s has had the worst fucking time getting any item. THE POINT OF HAVING A NATIONAL NETWORK IS TO BEING ABLE TO ORDER THINGS FROM AFAR AND NO MATTER WHAT STORE HAS WHAT YOU NEED TO THEN SEND IT WHEREFUCKINGEVER. apparently macy’s does not understand this.
apparently every mother fucking thing that i put on my registry has either been put on clearance, discontinued, or will take 13 weeks to arrive. i do not exaggerate.
great. just great.
and now apparently i just found out my mother fucking china is discontinued. china i didn’t even want to get in the first place. but i had found one pattern that i very much liked. and now i’m going to be stuck returning really heavy dishes and trying to find one other pattern that i even marginally like. because i won’t be able to get the full set.
i didn’t want to register at macy’s in the first place. i wanted to register at bloomingdales. but was forced into macy’s. i also was forced to register in fucking december. regardless i don’t think i should be subjected to the amount of stress and questioning that i’ve gotten from registering at the store. AND DEPARTMENT STORES WONDER WHY THEY’RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.

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yogurty glory

so let me pause and not talk about my fucking wedding for one post – i fear i am greatly marginalizing my male audience out there. but be assured dear men, i will return to normal human status in acouple weeks.

so let’s talk about my glorious new yogurt maker! i took a picture of it, so i’ll add that sometime later. i’m just fascinated by how this sucker works, and in turn how yogurt in general is actually created. first of all, at least on this small scale, you need YOGURT to make YOGURT. which is a little weird. it takes milk, dry or condensed milk, and a 1/2 cup of plain yogurt to then create a quart of yogurt. which is a lot. but still funny that i had to buy yogurt to create more. going forward, i’ll be able to take the yogurt i made and translate it into yet more yogurt, but this does seem like, i dunno, cutting off my arm to make another human. strangeness.

my little salton yogurt maker worked quite well even in it’s maiden voyage! it’s a little soupier than i usually like, but experimentation is the key to greatness, eh? and i feel powerful that it is my special yogurt that i made. which i would never do without the yogurt maker. because otherwise making yogurt involves simmering the milk/yogurt mixture on your stove so say 24 hours. i have no patience for such nonsense. i get yogurt now in 4-8 hours! ahhh. the power of yogurt.


tradition and stupidity

man, i twould not have been a happy camper in the 50′s i might love the decor and clothing, but the social norms? no way. no matter how many times i read stuff like this it still blow me away. that women we told this. and that they expected this to be their lives after they got out of school – that your husband and HIS happiness needed to be the center of your life. not your happiness, or your happiness together, just his. yowza. i might of had to become a lesbian.

The following is from a 1950′s Home Economics textbook intended for High
School girls, teaching how to prepare for married life.

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious
meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been
thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry
when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm
welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when
he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh
looking. He has just been with alot of work-weary people. Be a little gay
and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the
house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys,
paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he
has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and
faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their
clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of
washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be
quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see

6. Some Dont’s: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain
if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might
have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or
suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft,
soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of
his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to
dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his
world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your
husband can relax.

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mind quieting

to take my mind off total meltdown, i was taking a mental break and researching more about our moon. since we literally just picked an island that worked well for flights and sounded nice. and since turks and caicos is so weird sounding, and i’m starting to feel pretty stupid in answering the question “where is it?” “what language do they speak?” and so on i have called upon the CIA to answer all these fabulous questions!

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two and a half weeks

that’s all that is left.
i feel like i’m quietly going insane. i walk around in a constant state of on the verge of bursting into tears and throwing up. how will i accomplish all this? my mom doesn’t know the meaning of the word “help”, others are too far away…so much so much. not to mention i have so much other work to do.
i know it will get done. i know everything will be fine. i’m not even shooting for perfection here, just job well done. somehow it’ll all come together. at least that’s what people tell me.

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i feel like in the last 36 hours i have ramped up my productivity levels to compensate for the insane ineptitude on my part from the past week. i am determined not to be overly stressed in the days before the wedding, and i just have to work hard now to make this happen. two huge weights lifted:
- booked our car for the ceremony to the reception
- FINALLY picked a song to dance to

i find it hysterical that finding a song has caused us much duress, but weddings are truly ridiculous.

- the completion of the thank you cards
- obtaining of wedding rings (to be picked up friday)
- almost completion of responses
- hair/makeup trial
- booking of honeymoon (still excited over that)

are also nice weights lifted. tra la la.

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it is done!
we finally booked our damn honeymoon! we’re going to some place called the royal west indies in Providenciales in turks and caicos. don’t know what that means, hey i don’t either! but it sounds like a great place. and let me tell you. after searching and searching and so much nonsense, i gave the people at travelocity a call. thinking they could help me explain why the places i was looking at on their site kept on disappearing. well did i get their delightful and wonderful lawn gnome mascot? no. i got a very lazy phone person. but, then i called expedia. and i’d like to give an official shoutout to john travel agent at expedia because he was awesome. super helpful, and helped me book the whole trip, and put special notes in saying it’s our moon, so maybe we’ll even get upgraded! woopeee. so thank you john! you have made our silly searching finally come to a close!

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it is still dreadfully hot in our apartment.
it’s like a torture test.
josh’s parents are bringing up glorious air conditioners on sunday.
we are close to chosing a moon spot. because hello we need to go away in 3 weeks.
it is SO HOT in our apt, that we can’t even use the computer.
that’s how bad it is. it just gets too hot.
at least i’ve started making the thank you notes for the showers.
even though that caused me to sweat profusely.

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